Holy spumoni there’s a lot of stuff hitting the theaters this weekend. Up on our docket is The Bounty Hunter, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Runaways, Repo Men, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and IMAX: Hubble 3D. Like usual, we’ll make our judgments of as to their worth for watching based on what the studios think will draw an audience into the seats, the trailers – often with comical results! Let’s waste no time – here’s the lowdown and dirty.
IMAX: Hubble 3D
This 45-minute film’s first on our list because it’s the one I’m most excited about, and the one I’m most upset about being out in limited release only this weekend. If you read this blog regularly, you know that space fascinates me to no end. You also know film is one of my top hobbies. You put these two things together and I am a happy little monkey. Let’s talk after the trailer.
Did you see the Space Shuttle taking off! The images from that space walk! Are you kidding me? This is in 3D?! I just pooped myself!
Aheeem. Sorry. I’m recomposed. Seriously.
This film is important on many levels. Beyond being a better use of 3D technology than Avatar and Alice in Wonderland, this documentary is a testament to human achievement as well as our limitations. Hubble 3D follows the crew of Shuttle Atlantis on the last space shuttle mission to the Hubble telescope, our primary source of knowledge about the universe, to make some much-needed repairs. The thing’s twenty-years-old, being constantly bombarded by cosmic debris and radiation: Hubble needed a tune-up last year.
Considering there are at least three IMAX theaters in Las Vegas, you’d think I could catch a showing, but for all my internet research (and my considerable search ability), I can’t for the life of me find one. This, I’m hoping, is because it’s in limited release and not because of the nature of this town. It is not surprising to me that one can find twelve different 24 hour all-you-can-eat buffets, but that none of the IMAX theaters here would play a masterpiece in cinematography.
Anyway, I rank Hubble 3D at five out of five free space shuttles for seeing this in theaters as soon as it’s released to a wider audience.
The Bounty Hunter
Let’s get this one out of the way quickly. The Bounty Hunter stars Jennifer Aniston as a reporter investigating a murder cover-up who has her ex-husband (Gerard Butler), a bounty hunter, on her ass and trying to bring her in. To start with, I’m a guy, so I’m genetically predisposed to hating this premise. Tie in the fact that Aniston’s the lead (I don’t care what nice things John Mayer has to say about her) and you have a film that merely hearing about fills me with dread.
Given the option between seeing this movie in theaters or drinking an unmarked test-tube from the CDC, I’d take my chances that the Ebola monkey hasn’t spit in the vial. But don’t take my word for it: here’s the trailer.
Ha hah ha! Leonidas got tase’d bro! That’s wicked funny! Hah hah ha ha hah!
I give this movie zero out of five bail bonds for watching in theaters, and one out of five tasers for watching it on DVD in a month or so if my fiancée straps a car battery to my nuts and fries my huevos first.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
I haven’t seen that many movies these past six months, but the trailer for this has played in the coming attractions for each and every one. This is not a bad thing, considering the trailer is fairly hysterical. Diary of a Wimpy Kid is based on a book series of the same name, the story revolving around Greg Heffley’s (Zachary Gordon; National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa) attempt to survive middle school…by writing a diary. Sounds like Greggy’s going about it the wrong way, a cinematic circumstance sure to be worth its weight in celluloid.
One of the exciting things for me about this movie, besides Steve Zahn (Saving Silverman, Daddy Day Care) and Rachael Harris (The Hangover, The Soloist) playing the parents, is the addition of Chloe Morentz (The Eye, The Amityville Horror{2005}) in the cast, who at thirteen already has an impressive resume, which includes the upcoming Kickass, where she plays Hitgirl. I don’t know if she has a large part perse as she’s only in the briefest of clips in the trailer, but it’s exciting to me nonetheless. The other exciting thing to me is the eclectic dialogue (“Hey Bryce…cute butt,” “Let go baby hippo,” “…it’s got a hair in it…” ), which I cannot say I’ve heard much of these days, particularly coming out the mouths of children (unless you count Kickass, that is).
Anyway, enough jabber: here’s the trailer.
I give Diary of a Wimpy Kid five out of five middle school servings of sloppy joe for seeing it in theaters because comedic film-making like this needs as much encouragement as possible.
Strap in tight, like you were about to reach escape velocity, because we’re only halfway there.
Worlds As Myth 