Don’t Kill It! It’s Poop is Worth More Than Gold!
Not-so-breaking news on Popular Science and around the web: the University of York released their research, indicating that the Gribble (pictured above), a wood-eating crustacean historically thought of as a parasite to wooden ships, may be an answer to the world’s impending fuel crisis. The Gribble’s internal juices can breakdown wood into sugars that are excellent for fermentation into wood-grain alcohol, which could replace petroleum-based fuel sometime in the next twenty-years, if the Energy Barons feel they can profit off Isopod Poop.
Personally, I’m still a big fan of the Mushroom Rape fuel-source, and I think those fat cats would be too – forced fungal sex is the fuel wave of the future in that it combines our love of playing God with a deep sense of schadenfreude. Besides, one would still need to feed these little guys, and since what they eat is wood, environmentalists would still have a problem with filling their cars up with Gribble Premium, particularly when you consider that one of the proposed solutions is genetically engineered trees that grow quickly. What environmentalists fail to realize is that humans have been genetically modifying foods since the advent of agriculture: take carrots, for example, and how they’ve been bred to be less bitter, sweeter, without a woody center, and not purple.
In a WTF moment in doing this research, I found that the University of York released their findings on the potential for Gribbles as a fuel source online on the 27th of January LAST YEAR, so why it’s only coming out now, I’m not really sure; I think it has something to do with the fact that we’re talking about fueling our society with crustacean shit.