Around the Multiplex: Square Date God After.Life

We only have two movies hitting the wide release this weekend, Date Night and Letters to God. The other two are in limited release, The Square, and After.Life, though they look far more interesting. Let’s jump right in and make the trailer rounds, like a nurse on-set after the cast shooting-start-party…

Date Night

Here’s a comedy you’ve only not heard of if you’ve been living on an exoplanet. Starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey, Date Night is the story of the Fosters on a night out on the town, wherein they take another couple’s reservations and get all the trouble it comes with. Also in the cast are Common (Smokin’ Aces, Terminator: Salvation), Jimmi Simpson (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Invention of Lying), Mark Wahlberg (The Italian Job, Marky Mark), William Fichtner (The Dark Knight, Go), Kristen Wiig (Adventureland, SNL), Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Hustle & Flow), James Franco (Spiderman 1-3, Pineapple Express), Mila Kunis (That 70’s Show, Family Guy), and Olivia Munn (Attack of the Show, Iron Man 2!). So, you know, some people you might recognize in the trailer – –

Which is the exact one first released. I don’t see any others in a quick search, so that probably means but one thing: all the good jokes are in this trailer – if they were to show even one more frame not seen here, the entire movie would be ruined. Fey and Carell have impeccable comic timing, so I’m glad the two of them are working together, but there is something sort of…well, SNL-like about the situation and the acting, the whole premise looks like its about to devolve into a Will Ferrel-induced on-screen chuckle-fest.

I personally have no motivation to see Date Night in theaters, and not a great desire to hunt it down and make sure to see it on DVD – I suppose it’s gonna get from me a two-out-of-four mistaken identities for seeing it in theaters, with like a three-of-four overturned canoes crashing into a tree for seeing it when it comes to home media.

Letters to God

A heart-felt, meandering story about a boy recovering from cancer and the postman who intercepts the letters he wrote to God and takes it upon himself to answer those prayers, Letters to God stars no one you’ve ever heard of and is bound to make you gag. Just check out the trailer.

So real…powerful performances there. I don’t think you’ll get anything out this movie besides a a shoddy attempt at an uplifted feeling (and why go through that when you can get a schadenfreude-fueled ride along with comedic powerhouses; read: Date Night), so I’m giving this one a one-out-of-four scruffy-looking mailmen for seeing in theaters, and a one-out-of-four red bandanas for seeing when it’s the late-night special on the Oprah Channel. The only thing that may make this movie worth seeing is this mustache:

God?

God would have a mustache like that. At least, He does in my mind.

The Square

This thriller about an unscrupulous, philandering businessman who helps his mistress steal from her husband, with disastrous results, stars David Roberts (Ghost Rider, The Matrix sequels) and comes to us from Australia. So it’s sure to have a gritty charm and be mostly unintelligible (read: Mel Gibson). Also, it has Joel Edgerton, an Aussie actor, who has made it in the US, if you count having bit parts in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, King Arthur, and Smokin’ Aces, “making it.” More riposte after the trailer:

Why do foreign film trailers always leave me confused? Sure, it looks, well, thrilling, but I always get a sense that it may be more trouble than it’s worth. The Square is directed by Nash Edgerton, sibling to his well-to-do brother, Joel “acts in American movies” Edgerton who he’s cast as the bad guy husband, I guess? It’s well-shot, and seems like a somewhat interesting story, so I’ll give it four-out-of-five bags of funny money for seeing it in theaters if you can, and four-and-a-half sexy secret affairs for seeing it when it hits Netflix.

After.Life

Liam Neeson is about the hardest working actor in Hollywood this year, this guy’s taking film roles like he has a multi-million-dollar coke problem. Two weeks ago he was the lead in Chloe, last week his portrayal of Zeus in Clash of the Titans hit the screen – now he’s the crazy antagonist in After.Life, a film about a girl (Christina Ricci; 200 Cigarettes, Monster) who gets in a car crash after having an argument with her boyfriend (Justin Long; Live Free or Die Hard, Drag Me to Hell) and wakes up on a mortician’s slab. The mortician (Neeson) insists she’s dead and that only he can see her as not a decaying body. Tension ensues, as you can see from the trailer:

It’s looks kind of like Black Snake Moan meets Weekend at Bernie’s, except perhaps with laughs and more gore. Trailer seems to have some actual powerful performances by exemplary actors, in a script at least somewhat contemplative. I’ll give it four-out-of-five blood-drainage pipes for seeing it in theaters when you can, and four-and-three-quarters Christina Riccis in little red nighties for catching it when it releases to disk.

That’s all we’ve got for you this week; try not to sit in the gum at the theater.

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One response to “Around the Multiplex: Square Date God After.Life

  1. Pingback: Around the Multiplex: Square Date God After.Life Worlds As Myth « Phd Health Ethel Kathy

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