Back in February we gave our pick as to who should take home the coveted golden statute and last night was the award show, with the most moving-est stage in all of Hollywood. Let’s take a look at who we nominated and who actually took home the trophy:
- We waited all night for this one, Best Picture, the one with ten nominations, which apparently happened before, back in 1943 and went to Casablanca. Worlds As Myth gave it to the war movie that revised the events of WWII (Inglorious Basterds) – it went instead to the war movie that revised what it’s like to be in the US Army’s bomb squad (The Hurt Locker). Sure it’s based on a true story, but so was Beowulf and look how much that one got wrong.
- We predicted the award for Best Actor would go to Jeff Bridges, for Crazy Heart, and lo-and-behold we were right. This was less on personal preference and more on being slightly more attuned to the politics. Regardless, as it stands right now, we’re 1 for 2, giving us 50% accuracy. Oh yeah, we’re good.
- Our next selection, for Best Actress, was Helen Mirren, under the premise that the Academy hates giving the award to American actresses. Turns out they like Americans just fine, as the Academy gave the award to Sandra Bullock, for The Blind Side. Right now we’re right 1/3rd of the time, with a slight trepidation for what the rest of the list has in store. There’s more terrible, terrible predictions after the break:
- Best Director, I was hoping for Tarantino, because while he’s won an Oscar for Best Screenplay back in 1995, he’s yet to win for director, and just take a look at the guy; he freaking deserves one. The award went instead this year to The Hurt Locker helms-woman, Kathryn Bigelow, making her the first female director to win an Oscar. Good for her, she’s come a long way since Point Break.
- The Hurt Locker also took home Best Original Screenplay, which we’d called for those nice Coen boy’s A Serious Man, which seems slightly more original a story than that one about a soldier – because that hasn’t been done before. Moving on.
- For Best Adapted Screenplay, we’d hoped here at Worlds As Myth that District 9 would take it, considering we didn’t think it would get any other award. Well, we were right about it not getting anything, this category being no exception. Instead, Best Adaptation went to Precious, which for some reason the Academy felt needed the subtitle “Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” reiterated at every instance the movie was mentioned. Everyone who wanted to be aware that this was based on a book already knew that fact. This is probably some politicking Oprah did, to make people have to say the phrases she wants. If the fact that it was based on the book is so freaking important, why the hell wasn’t the movie called Push?
- Much to my chagrin, Coraline did not win Best Animated Film. That distinction goes to Up, which makes sense since it wasn’t about to win Best Picture. I guess the Academy doesn’t care that deaf children will never truly experience the wonder and mystery of the fantastic film. Too bad.
- Avatar only took home three Oscars, including the one we’d called it getting: Best Cinematography. This means Cameron himself got snubbed, but that didn’t stop his toadies from kissing his arse each time they took the little gold man. Better luck next time, Jimmy, perhaps a little less art a little more fart (i.e. don’t expect to just be given awards for coming up with new tech dude – you’ve got to pucker up to some serious hiney if you want that little gold man again) on the impending projects.
- The Academy and I are no longer on speaking terms, because while Best Make-up did in fact go to Star Trek, Best Visuals went to Avatar, and the Best Sound awards went to The Hurt Locker. The brilliance of the sound construction and editing in Star Trek went unnoticed by the vacuous aural attentions of the Academy, though while I am astounded by the effects in Trek, Cameron and crew did create brand-new technologies to get this one out there, so sure, okay. A valiant effort from the Abrams team, which will most assuredly get an Oscar someday soon, so long as they maintain the exemplary work (doing it?; surely Star Trek II will be set to the same standard and finally recognized?)
So, looking at the final tally on Worlds As Myth’s predictions: for the 12 categories we’d given estimates on, only 3 were correct. That gives us 25% accuracy, which makes it mathematically possible for me to guess wrong at the Schrödinger’s cat thought experiment. This isn’t going to stop me from making predictions for these and other awards that tickle my fancy in the future, as the principles of schadenfreude indicate that you find hysterical my shame in futilely guessing at the way these awards will turn out. So stay tuned for the Nobel Prizes, when I really won’t know what the hell I’m talking about!