As we are all aware, some crimes can be done digitally, by master hackers who can crack into Pentagon mainframes with bras on their heads
. Some, however, are committed by some of the stupidest people, or under the dumbest premises, that one can imagine. Here, for your giggling awe, are but three examples from the past year.
Giving Terry Gilliam a Bad Name: Jeremiah Gilliam
- As The New York Post reports, Jeremiah Gilliam, 22, a thief with a penchant for electronics in unlocked cars (what kind of idiot leaves their car unlocked in New York City?), was arrested after signing onto X-Box Live with stolen equipment. The kid who’d had his X-Box stolen was playing at a friend’s house, noticed that his pilfered account had just logged in, informed his parents who called the police, who traced the IP address to Gilliam’s grandmother’s apartment in the Bronx, NY. Being under investigation for 13 other robberies, the loot the police found in Gilliam’s possession, including GPS systems, laptops, and video-games, from as many as 200 robberies, has landed him with a charge of grand larceny. Congratulations Gilliam; you sir, are a tech-theft idiot.
- Next up on the list is a 14-year-old girl from New Jersey who has found herself in police custody and charged with distribution of child pornography, for posting nude pictures of herself on her MySpace page.
That’s right, a team from MySpace found the pictures (read the fine print people, nudity is not allowed on MySpace and they will take it down) and informed the Sheriff’s Department, who went ahead and arrested the girl, who said she posted them because “she wanted her boyfriend to see them.” Her name was not released because of her age, but she is facing as much as 17 years behind bars and permanent registration as a sex offender. This is idiotic to me on two levels – first, the girl did not realize that everyone she’s friend’s with would be able to see it and that the MySpace crew would notice 30 nude pics on her page; second, that the New Jersey judicial process is actually pursuing the maximum punishment for an idiot kid’s decision to post pictures of herself! Look, kids are stupid – they always have been – charging this moron to the full extent of the law is not going to stop these idiots from sexting; all it’s going to do is ruin an idiot’s life and put an obviously loose girl into a system where sex will be available. “Give it a ponder” New Jersey – this dope will drop the soap.
- Last for your schadenfreude enjoyment comes this idiot: Lee Harbet had a history of DUIs; the investment banker from San Francisco got so sauced one night that he hit and killed 55-year-old Gurdeep Kaur, and took off. After he was arrested, Lee claimed that he thought he had hit a deer, but the police investigating his property found some interesting search terms on his computer. These included: “auto parts, auto dealers out-of-state; auto glass, Las Vegas; auto glass reporting requirements to law enforcement; and auto theft.” Last on the list of search terms was “hit-and-run,” which pulled up a news article about the crime he had committed, which he actually clicked-through to read. This idiot only got three years in prison, which he appealed, and had rejected this last year. So folks know this: if you’re going to commit a crime and feel compelled to do research about it – do it from the library or from Grandma’s computer.