Bird-Snake-Dinosaur-Thing May Have Had Venom, & Idiot Texters Have More Accidents

Ooh, can I get more venom sack?

"Ooh, can I get more venom sack?" Imagine fighting over this things' wishbone on Thanksgiving.

Sinornithosaurus, a dinosaur about the size of a turkey and which probably had feathers, have recently discovered to also have had teeth similar to today’s rear-fanged snakes and a pouch next to said fangs which may have housed venom, National Geographic reported yesterday. The dinosaur was a relative of the far-more famous (and talented) Velociraptor, which was brought into public consciousness by the Jurassic Park movies. Rear-fanged snakes, and presumably the Sinornithosaurus, do/did not inject venom – their fangs create wounds which then slides down the tooth and incapacitates the victim, the equivalent of trying to add poison to a blade while actively stabbing your victim; it becomes somewhat apparent why this thing went extinct.

Also up for extinction is the human race. A University of Utah study found that people who text while driving are 6X more likely to get into an accident than people who merely talk on their phones. I’ve seen the faces and driving abilities of people who talk while driving – these are not cautious folks and I rue the day I got anywhere near them on the road; one study indicates they drive worse than drunk drivers. The University of Utah study found, using a driving simulator to test forty 21-year-olds, that their reaction time was greatly diminished while texting, which caused them to sustain collisions that in the real world could have caused death.

What we need in this day and age is a good old-fashioned myth, some folklore like the Germans created for their rambunctious little bundles of disobedience, to stop them from behavior which might get them killed. How’s this to start? “Kids, don’t text and drive or else the Sinornithosaurus will hunt you down and bite you, letting its venom slide into your bloodstream thereby paralyzing you. Thereafter it will compel Samuel L. Jackson to barge into the room yelling, ‘I am sick of these mutherfuckin’ dino-bird-snake-things in this mutherfuckin’ car!'”

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1 Comment

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One response to “Bird-Snake-Dinosaur-Thing May Have Had Venom, & Idiot Texters Have More Accidents

  1. Pingback: Tools: Updated Daily « Worlds As Myth

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