Sparrow Sails Again or I Would Also Sell Out For $35,000,000

The Sun announced today that Johnny Depp has in fact agreed to return for the next installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (to the tune of $35 million), tentatively titled “On Stranger Tides.” The poster might look something like this:

So I Couldn't Find The Right Font. Sue Me.

Subtitled: The Quest for More Money

Why might it look something like that? Why, because Disney has acquired a novel of the same name (whose cover I borrowed for the background), written by magnificient maestro of historical fantasy, Tim Powers. Interviewed by the LA Times, Powers had this to say about Disney’s acquisition of his novel:

“I’ve watched all the movies several times, of course, and I think the clear thing they would use is the trip to the Fountain of Youth,” Powers said. “My main character doesn’t overlap with Jack Sparrow at all [in personality or circumstance]; they’re totally different characters. I suppose they might overlap the Geoffrey Rush character Barbossa and Blackbeard. The only thing I feel certain they will hold on to is the Fountain of Youth since they telegraphed that at the end of the last movie.”

Powers goes on to say that he’s not too bothered as to whether or not the movie strays or rings true to his book, hoping to enjoy the film (and its box office success) as part of the audience and in royalty checks. Indeed! Disney, one of the largest companies in the world can apparently shell out $35 million on one dude; not to mention the rest of the cast and crew and the cost of production.

Jeepers Mousketeers; give that sort of budget to the Methuselah Foundation and they’ll build you a freaking Fountain of Youth! The Foundation was founded by this guy, Dr. Aubrey de Grey:

The Best Beard in Science.

A Beard that Awesome Has to Be Trusted

Dr. Aubrey de Grey, who has been kicking aging’s ass since 2000 after winning a Phd from Cambridge in recognition of his book, The Mitochondrial Free Radical Theory of Aging. Frankly I think he would make an awesome pirate.

You hear that Disney? Cast this guy in your movie already! He has a real English accent and everything.

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