Weekly Time Waste: Mission Unflappable Edition

Les Grossman, the new Ethan Hunt.

This week’s Time Waste is brought to you by the fact that Tom Cruise has signed on to reprise his Mission: Impossible character for the next chapter in the film series nobody wanted to see. It’s set to be directed by J.J. Abrams and penned by the guys who wrote the critically acclaimed Life on Mars, so at least the action will probably be pretty cool. Seriously no offense to Tom Cruise, but me and every other person who has seen Tropic Thunder will pay admission twice over to see a Mission Impossible starring Les Grossman. Just think about it, Tom and get back to me – I got a killer script I’m sitting on.

Missing Links: F*ck It Edition

So there’s this wonderful little holiday coming up that has something to do with a dude about to be thrown to the lions, which somehow translates to giving flowers, chocolates, and going out to dinner. Anyway, I don’t care enough about it to track down romance-associated links, so instead, I’m saying “fuck it” and just throwing up the links I find funniest. Enjoy, eh?

Around the Multiplex: Dear Paris with Red

Hitting the cinemas hard this weekend come Dear John, From Paris With Love, and Red Riding: 1974. We’ll watch the trailer, give our initial impressions, and decide whether these films needs be seen on the big screen or if we can give it a pass ’round DVD, or if it’s unwatchable at all. Get your popcorn buttered and pop your feet up, we’re taking you Around the Multiplex!

Nerd Blurbs: Space Robots, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Office-Produced Toilet Paper

We kick this episode of Nerd Blurbs off with a development coming from NASA and GM, a robot being developed for space missions! Enough blab, there’s video -

R2 is a huge development, considering particularly the shortage toward the NASA budget – it’ll be cheaper to send one of those things to the moon or Mars (considering you don’t have to stock up on food or water or toiletries – just slap a photovoltaic cell on the sucker and let it fly). GM is also looking to apply this technology to their plants, thereby making their production locales safer. Presumably they’ll want to fit these things into cars, allowing for, at least initially, emergency automated drivers. Too drunk to make it home on your own? Active the Robo-chauffeur and mind where you vomit.

Weekly Time Waste: Tracy vs. Predator Edition

Yo' damn righ' I punched a Predata!

This week’s time waste is brought to you by the fact that Tracy Morgan is going to be in the new Volkswagen Superbowl commercials, and that an Aliens vs. Predator video game is coming out soon. I’d make a joke about it, but there’s comedy gold hovering above this text, in pure, unadulterated, Photoshopped glory. Excelsior!

Quick Picks for the 81st Oscars, or, Terrible Awards Guesses Part Deux

It’s that magical time of the year, when trophies are handed out from this society and that, but we’re finally onto the gold standard, the little man that means the most: the Oscars. And this year is no exception, with some sweeping steps in the dimensions of cinema vying with each other for Academy recognition. Let’s take a look at the nominees for the awards I actually care about, and let’s make some predictions:

Missing Links: Worst Edition

Not to be confused with Missing Links: Wurst Edition, which will happen sometime around September, this edition of Missing Links corrals some of the best examples of worstfulness (as well as worstitudity, and worstoscity) from around the w3b. From the depths of Swaim, to some “super” educational points, grease yourself up and leap into the shallow end of the pool with us!

Around the Multiplex: When in Rome Edge the Darkness of Las Vegas

This week, When in Rome and Edge of Darkness open nationally, while the movie I’m probably more interested in seeing, Saint John of Las Vegas, opens in LA and NY exclusively. We’re gonna give these trailers a once over and give our opinions on whether we’re excited to see any of these films in theaters and which ones look like utter rubbish and will get a definite pass on the Netflix queue.

Nerd Blurbs: State of the Universe Edition

My fellow carbon-based lifeforms: we stand here today with an understanding of the universe that our fathers and forefathers could only imagine at. With the technology of today we have come to realize some amazing things about this world, the area of space around it, and even to the depth of matter itself. Find below but three issues that came to press today.

Nerd Blurbs: Apple Edition

iPad: It Wants You To Touch It

The iPad? Really? Excuse me while I scratch my iBag.

The big news has finally broke, Steve Jobs finally held that fabled press conference to release the iPad. It does precisely what everyone thought it would do, connect to the Internet via WiFi and eventually 3G, be multi-touch, and function much like an iPhone. Except bigger. And you can’t stow it away in your pocket or make calls on it. It also doesn’t have a camera (peripheral sold separately, much like the keyboard dock and/or the wireless keyboard).It also has a maximum altitude usage of 10,000 feet, so parts of Denver, CO are screwed.